Never Happier to Disappoint

After years of being restrained by what my religion taught me, if I were to write a book, it would be titled "Happy to Disappoint." 

After years of shame and being made to feel something was wrong with me, I am happy to disappoint in order to be my authentic self. 

I'll always be happy to disappoint: 

-The grown man who, as a teen, would spend alone time with me and try to tell me "if he were younger..." Glad to disappoint him in steering clear of him and moving away to fulfill my dreams.

-The church who tried to change me.  Happy to be a strong-willed child who became a strong-willed woman. I would not be where I am if I listened to your b.s. about how children and girls should be. 

-My family member who was angry at me for refusing to be around his adult friend after that friend kissed me on the cheek and flirted with me when I was 13. Glad I refused to listen. I kept myself safe when you chose not to. 

-The man who without my consent decided he was my mentor, who would belittle me and call my kindness a brokenness. Glad I got away from your influence when I did and have become stronger through not heeding your words. 

-ALLLLLLLL the people who told me marriage and children are a woman's purpose. Glad to disappoint because I live a dream without either. 

-The Apostle Paul. May I always disappoint you for your view of women. 

-The God of the American church: if your idea of mercy and unconditional love is telling people they are unwanted and broken at their core, I will not be joining you. I will always stand against that. 

I will never be the Christian they wanted me to be, as it nearly killed me with anxiety and self-loathing. May I never be the Christian they wanted me to be, but show what true mercy and love are. 

I have never been happier to stand on my own two feet knowing I have been a disappointment, as that means I am finally free.